By Shon Hyneman
Have you been in a fight before and tightened up your body to prepare for a punch? Were you surprised that it didn’t hurt as much because you prepared for it? Want to know when a punch really hurts? It’s when someone punches you unexpectedly because you were not expecting it. I am trying to prepare you ahead of time so it won’t hurt…
I wish singles knew the following things before marriage:
-Marriage is not about “This person is going to make me happy.” That’s too much responsibility for one person to carry. Learn to be a servant of your spouse. God is more concerned about you being holy than happy. Marriage is about learning to love an imperfect person (yes, you have issues also)…for life. Marriage is more like “How can I please you.” Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph. 5:25). This includes when your spouse has off days. We must learn how to love our spouse unconditionally. The more we learn about meeting our spouse’s needs, the smoother our marriage will become. Most people are afraid to meet a spouse’s needs because of fear that unconditional giving won’t be reciprocated. That’s why the one you marry should be filled with God’s spirit because that person will feel convicted when not reciprocating love back to you.
-Just because you get married doesn’t mean that the rest of the human race suddenly becomes ugly in appearance. Singles think that since they have a spouse they won’t be tempted. After all, they married people they were attracted to, right? Remember: Marriage is not a fire extinguisher! If you don’t tame your flesh as a single, marriage won’t change it. Ever wonder why there is so much infidelity in today’s society? Sorry to break the news to you, but our flesh is never satisfied. Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content (Eccl. 1:8). However, in marriage having a healthy sex life is a great tool against adultery.
-Never underestimate premarital counseling. I tell singles “If the one you plan on marrying doesn’t want premarital counseling, I question the one you are about to marry.” Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success (Prov. 15:22). Some people don’t want to wait for premarital counseling for a lack of self-control; they are ready to jump in the bed. Some people don’t want the counselor’s advice because their minds are already made up. “I’m going to marry him/her no matter what.” (This type of attitude sometimes happens because a couple has already had sex.) Go through premarital counseling because sometimes a counselor or pastor can see things you can’t. These insights will help you. Respect your pastor’s or counselor’s decision. Don’t just leave the church if you are told something you don’t want to hear. Instead, pray about the advice you are given.
-It’s ok to celebrate each other’s differences. Over time you may become frustrated with your spouse’s uniqueness. For example, your husband or wife might not do things the way you do them, simply because that person was raised in a different household. Maybe your spouse was an only child and you had brothers and sisters. Maybe your spouse is not used to sharing a bathroom. Maybe your spouse cleans the house differently or cooks food differently than your momma did. Let your spouse be the person God created. If your spouse is doing something differently and it is not morally wrong or questionable, don’t try to change that person. It will take a load off your shoulders. Usually the first year of marriage is the toughest because two people from two different homes are trying to discover the culture of their own home. True love is when you let your spouse be themselves and yet love them unconditionally. God is the same way with us, right?
Here is the audio trailer mp3 of Shon speaking about his latest book, Wisdom: Preventing Problems Before They Happen.
Purchase Wisdom: Preventing Problems Before They Happen at Amazon.com
About the Author
Shon was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio for 25 years and in 2004 moved to Phoenix, Arizona with his family. He has been happily married for ten years to Londina, and they have two children.
Shon is the owner of Never Again Ministries. This ministry promotes marriage enhancement and holistic relationships in God. He’s an author, speaker, ordained minister, mentor and radio personality for “The Doctor of Love” show. He is a certified marriage coach and the “Marriage Works” series from AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors). Shon is a fan of NFL football and UFC fights.
About the Book, Wisdom: Preventing Problems Before They Happen
Everyone desires to be wise, but the truth is it doesn’t come naturally for many. Wisdom must be sought after. Wisdom must be practiced. Wisdom must be a goal for every day of life. Shon ‘Doctor of Love’ Hyneman has made the attainment of godly wisdom a priority in his life and in his marriage, and now he’s sharing the treasures gained during his journey with others in his new book Wisdom: Preventing Problems Before They Happen.
Wisdom: Preventing Problems Before They Happen highlights Shon’s passion for marriages. He desires to see two whole and healthy individuals cleave together to create a union that blesses their partnership, their relatives and friends, their community, and ultimately, the world at large.
Shon values transparency. In Wisdom: Preventing Problems Before They Happen he gives an up close and personal look at his approach to various relationships and marriages outside of the safeguards of Godly wisdom. This sincerity gives hope and encouragement that, with a renewed mind, a lifestyle of blessing can be birthed. There’s no better time than the present to grab hold of wisdom with all your heart, mind and soul and intentionally create a marriage relationship that so glorifies God its remnants echo throughout eternity.
Purchase book Amazon
Book Excerpt: “When smarts and wisdom are applied, one can help improve others as well as himself. With wisdom, you can get to the heart of a person and in the process a relationship is developed because you showed them that you care.”
Tell us a little about yourself.
I am a husband of ten years, father, mentor and owner of Never Again Ministries. Our ministry promotes marriage enhancement and holistic relationships. My wife and I host the Doctor of Love Show on three different stations.
Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?
In my latest book WISDOM: Preventing Problems Before They Happen, the overall message is to help people cut back on making bad decisions. Don’t get me wrong, we all make mistakes, but if there is someone who can mentor us, we should apply the wisdom that is given.
What is the most challenging part of being an indie author?
What is the most rewarding part of being an indie author? The most challenging part of being an indie author is getting others to see the vision that is birthed within you. When you don’t have others backing you or you don’t have the big name to match, it takes more time for others to buy into what you are writing.
What made you decide to become an author?
I like to talk a lot! I figured if I can put all my thoughts and ideas on paper, it will become more valuable to those who read my books.
When did you begin writing with the intention of becoming published?
I started writing my first book If You Apply These Principles in 2008. Then I went on to get published by the company Lulu.
Please tell us the titles of your current book (s): And give a brief synopsis
–If You Apply These Principles: God Is More Practical Than We Think (2008)- I used a lot of Bible Scripture from the book of Proverbs on the practicality of God and how God requires work to be done on our behalf to be successful.
–It’s The Woman You Gave Me (2009) – How we can get past blaming others for past hurts and disappointments from parents, friends, spouses, and situations. Notice how the blame game started with Adam and Eve in the garden. Since the beginning of time it’s been an issue even until today.
-3 Are Even Better (2010), an eight week workbook for married couples that discusses the benefits of God being the head of your marriage. The title came from the book of Ecclesiates 4:12. We discuss topics from money, sex, how to affair proof your marriage to blended families
What one positive piece of advice would you give to other authors?
Don’t quit when things get tough, and get connected to others who have the same goals as you. Networking with other authors is a powerful tool. Also support other authors and understand it’s not always about you and your work.
Tell us about your journey to publication.
For me it was tough because I didn’t know any other published authors when I wrote my first book. I just did the best I could and let the cards fall. But as time went on, publishing became easier.
What next for you?
We are hosting our first “3 are even better” Marriage Retreat in Payson, Arizona this fall and the release of my new book WISDOM: Preventing Problems Before They Happen
Here is the visual promo http://animoto.com/play/hxXxB1klXh9iZvkqgufMZA